Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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