my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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