3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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