mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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