Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize