I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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