I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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