some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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