i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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