so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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