And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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