Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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