I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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