You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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