All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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