I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize