This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize