She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize