1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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