If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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