I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize