I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
