I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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