Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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