it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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