How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize