Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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