i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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