thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize