Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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