this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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