the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize