The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize