I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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