We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize