My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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