he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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