You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up under a house in Key West
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