Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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