...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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