and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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