I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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