Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize