Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if only i could text you this smell
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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