I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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