if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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