i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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