He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize