Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize