hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They have beer where we have blood.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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