turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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