my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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